I'm writing this because I know that no one can help overcome this issue of mine except God. I fell in love without getting over from the previous love, I got the attention that I yearned for and hoped during the time when I was going through a heartbreak. I felt assured, love and protected, knowing there was someone who was willing to accept my flaws, my past and love me even though the feelings was not reciprocated. My attention shifted from depending on God for strength to get through to the one who has been showering me with care and concern during the times. Slowly, my dependence on God is getting lesser and my dependence on him increases, he is slowly becoming my all. This increases my expectations and hopes on him because of the age gap between us and also my trust issues with him which is starting to cause stress to him. Things changed when he and his family was going through a tough time. I thought everything will still be the same, I can still depend on him and thinking that he will always be there for me no matter what, even if I am being unreasonable because of his love for me. I chose to put God aside no matter how much the Holy Spirit prompted me about not letting history repeats. Finally, he couldn't handle my flaws and my issues anymore, because he is also a human like me. I felt lost all of a sudden, not knowing who I can turn to except God. I feel so ashamed of myself, ignoring God when He is always there for me but when I face problems like now, I turn to Him because only He can help. I can't blame anyone except myself, it is something that i brought it upon myself. I brought hurt not only to myself but to him, whom also did not expect this to come.
What have i gotten myself into?
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