Left me.

My discipler, my leader, the one that knows my struggles, my strongholds and still treat me as a sister even though I did not listen to her and still never gives up on me is leaving the lifegroup and not my discipler anymore. I felt so shitty, like why must this happen to her? Why not others leave instead? She said she had enough of the accusations that she had from the people in the group, she can't grow and she has no support and she had enough, it is time for her to go to another group where she can show her potential and be able to make use of the gifts and talents that God has given to her in other group. My first thought was like, what the fuck these people want? Are that happy that they has successfully make her leave the group? I cried whenever i thought of it, is like a sister leaving the family. It is a good thing that she is able to leave this group that is restricting her growth and I should be happy for her, but I still can't handle this now.

 God, why do you want to make this happen now? He is leaving me, my discipler is leaving me, seemed like I will be alone. Lifegroup will be so different from now and the thought of going to the lifegroup trying to act as if nothing is wrong is torturous. God, I really need you to give me the strength to pull through, I don't even feel like living, i feel all alone without them, and I miss him very much. It is so hard.