My first week

No matter how much I justify, making excuse for myself that I love him so much that I can't leave him, there is this small voice telling me that is either I continue how I want to live or follow the life that God has planned for me. What bothers me the most is that I am also destroying his life at the same time. 

It has been a week ever since i decided to stop this relationship. I seemed to have the conviction this time compared to the last previous times where I struggled back and forth in my emotions and allow it to drown me to the extent that I was suicidal. I know at some point of time there will be obstacles that will stop me from getting out of this because it has caused me to fail so badly the other times. So it really happened and as usual I couldn't stop tearing all of a sudden and I feel so overwhelmed by what I saw. I was not even feeling sad before it happened, sounds like a person withe split personality. Thank God that I received a text from her at that point of time and I texted her how i was feeling. She told me to take captive of my thoughts which was something that I will forget at that point of time. 

I have been crying every night before i fell asleep because that is when I am able to let out my emotions freely. I miss him so much, I miss his presence, his hugs, his jokes, his smile and laughter. I even hold on tightly to his shirt that i have to sleep, like a little girl holding to her small blanket. I told God and I know that God hears me as he give me peace and comfort, knowing that i am not alone in this. I thank God that He did not give up on us. It is really hard for me bring our communication and contact to the minimum, I need to remind myself every second that what I am doing is for our own good and telling God how much I needed Him because I cant do it alone with just my own will power. 

God, help me to focus on my spiritual growth instead of worrying if i am able to get out of this. Allow your Word to sink in my heart as i read and help me to remember and not allow my emotions to overwhelm me. I pray for a peace of mind when I am seeing or facing things related to him. I also pray that you will continue to guide his path and show him the vision that you have for him. Amen.